There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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