Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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