she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
