oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
