When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
