Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
