im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
