you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
