bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
