Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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