I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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