I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
