Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
