Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he thought i was a dude.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
