And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
