he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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