im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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