Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
