it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
