you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
