i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
