He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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