I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
