Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
