If i come over, it means nothing
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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