I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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