so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
