She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
