I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
