Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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