Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
