So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were destined to go to rehab together
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
