Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
