i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
