Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
