Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
