u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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