Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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