I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
