Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
