I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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