How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
