she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
