Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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