im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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