I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
