So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
