don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
