we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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