goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
