I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My room smells like vodka and shame
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
