EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
