Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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